ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
