When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize