New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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