Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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