hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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