Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize