Im at strip club and am horny
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
