If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
