Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
