why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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