Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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