too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
