Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
