dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize