Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
