spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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