Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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