it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
