I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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