Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize