i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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