And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize