He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
