toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
