so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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