my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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