Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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