I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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