i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize