i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
