i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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