i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
