Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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