imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
