my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
