Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
