Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
