1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
