I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
