She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
