Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You made out with two different species that night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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