we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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