i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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