I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is classic penis vs brain.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
