maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
