My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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