Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
