i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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