Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
