WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize