we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
