Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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