I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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