I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
