omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
