I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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