Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
