At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
