i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
