A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
