we have pet lesbian snakes
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
