and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
