i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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