Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
