do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize