I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
