her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
