areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
