so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
