You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
