i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
