I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
