It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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