we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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