Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
