everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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