no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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