Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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