Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
