Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
