There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
