I skipped work to stalk him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
