His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
