the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
