I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're like the curious george of whores
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
