Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Someone shattered a urinal.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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