Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
