He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
