she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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