OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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