Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
