she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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